I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
