shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize