Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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