you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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