Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
