I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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