I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want her autograph on my taint
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
