you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
