i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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