There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
