its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
