Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
