Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
