You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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