I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
