Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
