are you still at the devil's house?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
