whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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