ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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