I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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