I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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