I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
