I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
