His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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