oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
