I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
