In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
