New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
