I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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