Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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