So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
two words: eviction party
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
