I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
