dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize