What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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