Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
