so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
