Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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