??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
