So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
