Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
