All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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