Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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