I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
