dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize