if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
