My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
