My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i barfeds in our rink
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
