So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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