um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
