We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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