Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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