My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
