while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
