What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
