dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
