Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
