so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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