It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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