I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
