I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
