You smell like stripper and shame
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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