Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When are your genitals available?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize