I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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