That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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