I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
