I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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