Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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