i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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