I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
