I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
