I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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