you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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