We named our party play list daddy issues
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
