I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
