The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
