We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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