If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
