Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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