Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
