I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
