My nipple is on Facebook.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
