Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
