do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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