She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
