He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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