You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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