I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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