if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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