There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
