I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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