Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
