It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
