I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize