the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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