So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
