The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
